Twilight in one page. It's. . .so true. Thanks Chelsea.

*Click to enlarge*

Little Things

I find it's the littlest things in life that make me happy.

For example. Right now I'm working on the computer with a sleeping puppy on my chest. Only the puppy is a little stuffed up so her breaths come out sounding like "a-heh, a-heh" intermixed with quiet snoring. It's cute!

And it melts my heart. :)

Random, also cute pics

So I tried to recreate the photo in my last post, but failed miserably. You see, when the photo came out naturally people starting screaming "hoax" which I could definitely believe, but doesn't make the pic any less funny. The theory is that someone typed in the phrase "black people stole my car" but misspelled "black" prompting Google to provide a correction. Then, that same person changed the search word to "white" without hitting enter, and took a picture of it. (Make sense?) So I tried to recreate the scenario. . .unfortunately, it looks like Google fiddled with the search engine to make it impossible for it to suggest the phrase "black people stole my car." Even when I typed "blak people stole my car" it gave me NO correction, which is rare, and instead just showed search results.

Anyway, none of this really means anything, I just found it interesting for some reason.

And now the cute pics.

Pocket was a cowboy for Halloween

My sister bought this sweatsuit for Pocket. She looks like a little thug!

Oh Dear. . .

My friend Miri had this on her blog. I didn't stop laughing for like 10 minutes.

p.s.

This is MY blog. I do not apologize for anything said here. I deliberately do not keep a private journal, so this blog is all I have when I need to get out raw emotion. No longer will I write a blog post and then go back and edit it 20 times to be nice and polite for my readership, especially the readers I had never planned to tell about the blog in the first place.

That is, until I inevitably wake up tomorrow in a better mood and go back and make the last post all nice and crap.

The Proposal

I saw The Proposal the other night. Although I was previously undecided on Ryan Reynolds, as talked about in this post, he is now officially added to my man-hotness list. Yummy.

The movie itself I am still undecided on. The first half was great - absolutely hilarious, and I thought for sure I'd have to buy the movie. However, a few issues in the second half made me a little too antsy - although I know full well that it's just me and my craziness, not really more than that.

For example: I about threw a hissy fit in the theater when Ryan's parents suggested (nay, insisted!) that he and Sandra Bullock get married the next day there at the house. Did they not stop to think that she might possibly want a guest of her own at her wedding? I mean, they were in Alaska visiting HIS family, so the groom's half of the church would have been full and hers would have been empty. And how they forced her to wear that horrible wedding dress. And how they didn't let her have input on anything. And treated her to that awful bachelorette party that she obviously would not have chosen. And how they guilted her into getting their way on everything. And yes, yes, I know that the marriage was a sham anyway and that's hopefully the only reason Ryan and Sandra went along with it, but the nerve of those parents! It just made me so mad because even though it was supposed to be funny, it hit a little too close to home. When I was engaged and getting married, I woke up to the realization that weddings are for everyone else, but not the bride. The disenchantment was a little heartbreaking. Pretty much the only thing that was 100% my pick was the wedding dress (and it was gorgeous, I still sigh over it). I realized pretty quickly that brides have very little control over their wedding day and that you have to work around everyone else's schedule, even though it should've been the other way around. I did not get married where I wanted or when I wanted, due to scheduling conflicts with our families. I did not get the reception I wanted. I hated most of the bridal party's dresses and still cringe at pictures. I had one bridesmaid in particular that was a terror and made an already extremely stressful time in my life more stressful. Nobody let me enjoy my reception! They kept making me do things that were completely unecessary! I didn't even get to eat anything when the reception was over and I got to finally sit down because I had 12 people trying to get me to do different things.

I mean, seriously, it's no wonder I was having complete meltdowns all the time. I was planning a wedding, going to school full time, and working full time. I was SO tired all the time, both physically and mentally, and even now I still can't understand why other people made that supposedly happy event so much harder for me than it needed to be. If I could've subtracted a few key people and issues from the day, it would have been fine. I wish I could say that my wedding day was the best day of my life, but it's far from it. In fact, even now (3 years later) I can't think or talk about my wedding day too much, because all of the specific issues (I've been wonderfully vague in this post) still make me so mad that I get all worked up and teary (obviously, I mean just look at how long this post has gotten.) My dad offered to just give me the money. . .there are so many times I wish I had taken the money and run! The one memory from my wedding that I will always cherish is hiding out in a dark hallway (how did I escape the reception?? I don't remember) for a few minutes with my BFF in our gorgeous dresses, hugging and talking and crying. Is that pathetic or nostalgic? I can't decide.

What's sad is that my story is not singular. I hear SO many stories, especially in Utah, about other brides that felt the same way about their weddings. My personal theory is that it's a horrible never-ending chain: because so many people were unsatisfied with their own weddings, they try to live vicariously through their children or friends who are getting married and try to create a wonderful party for themselves. In return, the bride gets jilted and watches sadly as her romantic dreams of her wedding day crumble. So at the next wedding, she is first in line to live vicariously through others and create the perfect party! And so on and so on. It's a vicious chain. I will do my best to break the cycle with my sisters and my children.

Anyway, I apologize for the rant. I'm sure most of you had perfectly lovely wedding days. Kudos to you. I hold no ill-will toward you. Just please don't be offended if I don't want to hear you go on and on about how great your wedding was. :)

Humbug

We're a full 2 months away from our Christmas flights and I'm already pissed at Delta.

After last year's fiasco I swore I would never fly Delta again. (We had four flights total and each and every one was either delayed or cancelled leaving us stranded at JFK overnight). Unfortunately, I booked our flights through Northwest not realizing that the two companies are merging. So while our tickets say Northwest, all the policies and everything are dictated by Delta, and they are the ones I have to deal with.

Note to Delta: Considering I just dropped over a grand on tickets (seriously????) and apparantly have to give you a second chance, I am far less than thrilled when you suddenly delay my connection by 3 hours, thereby guaranteeing that I will not get to see my family on Christmas Day until 9pm. Grumpy hormonal lady + unhappy puppy who is not allowed out of the kennel + 6 hours stuck in the Detroit airport = imminent disaster.

Update

I know, I KNOW, it has been forever and a half since I blogged anything worthwhile. There just has been so much going on! I have lots of pictures that I will have to put up. . .someday. . .as well as the knowledge that my 200th post is just a few posts away! So if you have any requests or questions you want answered or anything, I will choose that post as the day to please the masses.

This may be the last of the picture posts, as our wonderful camera suddenly stopped working, and we will have to wait until Christmas sales to get another one.

So a little on what has been going on:

Puppy Parenting: We hired a trainer for Pocket, who was a fairly well-behaved pup to begin with. She's doing quite well with it, although we have decided not to comply as strictly to what the trainer wants to accomplish. For example, Pocket is supposed to be so mellow and unattached that when we come home she greets us with a "slow to medium tail wag." What?? I LIKE that she is happy to see us when we come home! The training has helped a lot with her separation anxiety though, so she doesn't cry when we leave anymore, and she goes into her kennel mostly willingly. So I feel that we're reaching a happy medium.

She is also almost done teething, FINALLY. She is a late bloomer as far as losing her baby teeth goes. Her 4 new canines are in but we're still waiting for the baby ones to fall out, and then we're done. Teething seems like it's been physically taxing for her because it's made her quite drowsy lately.

I like this pic of Mike and Pocket dozing on the couch, I think it's cute!

DIY Crown Molding: Die crown molding, die! I will never do it again! The living does look fantastic, admittedly. I'll have to find a way to take some pics of the finished product. However, my advice to anyone considering this is to hire it out. However, I did get to buy an air gun and an air compressor for the project, which I am stoked to own.

Visit from the in-laws: Mike's parents visited over conference weekend, which was great! My MIL took lots of pics so I'll have to do a separate post detailing that. Meanwhile, here is a pic of the guest room. It will likely never look this organized again, which is why I figure I should post the pic while I can.

Dance practice: I made the dance team again - and I have to be vague because we're not allowed to say the name online. But it's the same dance team I made last year, for those of you that know, so I'm pretty excited. Although I will be glad when the performance is over in December, because I hate commuting to Salt Lake so much.

Attending the Jim Gaffigan show at Kingsbury Hall: Jim Gaffigan is a hilarious comedian, he's on Comedy Central all the time for those of you who have cable. He came to UT a few weeks ago on tour so we went to see his act. It was great!

How do you like my new glasses? After 22 years of 20/15 vision, I finally had to give in to the fact that my job staring at tiny print and computer screens all day was straining my eyesight.

Exploring St George: We went to Zions and also to a real live dinosaur excavation site!

Hanging out with BFF: And getting to taste the yumminess of Leatherbys again! So sad they pulled out of Provo!

And don't you love this giant rocking chair??

House Organizing: This one's more me. I have been trying to get a lot of little projects done once I finished the crown molding. Pictured here. . .organizing the spice rack (I know, it's stupid, but it's been driving me nuts for months) and finally hanging blinds in the 2 extra bedrooms.




Next up: Trying to buy plane tickets for Christmas. We always have the debate about whether we can afford the extra hundred bucks to get an extra day out of the vacation, which we usually say yes to, but this year we probably can't since we'll need that money to fly the pup with us. It is expensive to fly pets! However, Pocket is still a baby and there's no way I'm going to leave her for that long. Next year she'll probably be old enough to be left somewhere for that long, but not this year for sure.

Shout out to my followers. . .and do you want me to follow you too?

So when I read the comments on my last big post, my first thought was, "Adrienne Whittle reads my blog! Cool!" b/c I always thought she was a cool mom (ie. my first memory of her parenting style was when Luke ate some grass at our ward football game and all she did was laugh and wipe it off. . .no freaking out or anything. Very cool.) So thank you for finally coming out of the woodwork so that we can some kind of communication again!

And Jo. Where have you been hiding??? Do you have a blog too? How did you find me? Anyway, very cool to hear from you. Holla. Also, I happen to agree with your stance. More on that later, depending on how brave I can be to face the inevitable controversy.

And to everyone: I need you to tell me if you have a "follow this blog" app on your blog, because I will gladly become a public follower. What I notice ends up happening is that I will subscribe to a blog (which is different, for those that don't know) which means their blog ends up on my GoogleReader, but the person may never know I read their blog since I am not a public "follower." Since I do everything through GoogleReader (hence never actually looking at the blog itself) I never know when someone has that button on their blog or not. So if you tell me you have one, I will go to your web address and sign on. As a sidenote, I also have a "Follow" app, so if you are not already a public Follower I'd love for you to become one. Also , I try to remember to add friends' blogs to my blog roll, but again, since I use GoogleReader that's mostly for the benefit of anyone that looks at my blog website. So if your name is not on there and you'd like for it to be, let me know and I will add it on.

Wow, I said the word "blog" like 10x just then. Blog blog blog.

Where I've Been

I've been in San Diego.

And it was awesome.

And yes, that is a real plumeria in my hair.

Thanks

Well, all I can say is that I am immensely impressed with the depth and quantity of comments left on my last blog post. There were a total of 15 comments, and each one was its own little narrative. I really appreciate all the honesty that went into those. I felt like the blog became frank and raw for a short time, which is a good thing. Those comments helped spark some good conversations in our house and more than that, helped me not feel like a beast for waiting. You guys rock.

When the day DOES come that we decide to move forward with family plans, you'll be the first to know. :)

Opinions on my Uterus

**I have lots of other blog posts and pics coming, but since this was already written and in drafts, it will be published first.**

Lol, I bet THAT title got you reading this! Anywho, the fact of the matter is that I need advice. So I am going to do something I've never done before and open this blog post up in a personal forum type of way. Because of the topic matter, I would most like opinions from those my own age who are married, because you are the ones who will most relate.

The topic is babies. More specifically, how do you know when you're ready to have one? I welcome both advice on how to know you are AND how to know you're not. Or do you EVER know for sure? The reason I ask is because my coworker just told me she's pregnant so we've been having lots of conversations, hence, I've been thinking about this a lot, and I'm worried my current reasoning is way off. So let me cue you in to my way of thinking. Forgive the word vomit that will inevitably follow.

• Update: The word vomit is bounteous! Just leave a comment with your advice if you don't want to read the rest.

See, I'm a little worried that I've made up my mind about this too LOGICALLY. For example, Mike and I are both the oldest and will likely have the first grandchild on either side, but I'd really like my children to have cousins their age. I had tons of cousins my age and Michael had none, and I can really tell the difference between the family bonds. Since neither of our siblings are even close to being married yet, that means the likelihood of one of them having a baby isn't a possibility for at LEAST a year (if something miraculous happens), more likely 2 or more.

Now the thing is, I don't necessarily mind waiting longer, except that I'm starting to get nervous that maybe I should feel differently. After all, we've been married for 3 years already. The original plan was to wait a year before we started trying, but when that year came I was like "are you kidding me?? that went too fast, and I'm still way young! maybe in another year" and then THAT year came and I was like "yeah, still too young for a baby. next year!" and now here we are at THIS year and I'm like "hehe, no thanks. . ." Which sometimes leaves me at night wondering, what the heck is wrong with me??? My cousin got married 3 weeks before us and they already have 2 kids. Not to mention all my classmates from high school or even college that have jumped on the baby train. Am I missing some kind of baby-sensitive vibes that I'm supposed to be getting? Because quite frankly, I'm really happy with my current lifestyle and I know a baby is a 24/7 job on it's own. . .plus I already reap "snuggling" benefits from the pup, who I love dearly and is easier to care for.

The funny thing is that I would have NEVER expected to feel this way. All growing up the only thing I wanted was to be a cute pregnant newlywed and then have an adorable baby.

Newsflash: Not all pregnant woman are cute, and eventually those babies grow up.

Both are important to consider. I was about 15 pounds heavier in high school and looking back at pics, the difference definitely shows. So it has done WONDERS for my self-confidence to be able to stay at a consistently low weight these past few years. And frankly, I don't know that I have enough self-esteem to deal with the possibility that I will be one of those pregnant women who gains weight EVERYWHERE, not just on the belly.

And about those babies growing up. . .see, I actually have no problem with the baby itself, even right now, because I know I can handle a baby. The problem is that I don't think that in 5 years I'd be ready to parent a 5 year old, does that make sense? Not to mention that I don't want an only child, and I would want my kids close together, so that would mean that another 2 or 3 years following the first I would need to have a second child. But maybe that my overly logical side kicking in again! Although. . .that means if I waited a couple years for my sisters to catch up, and had a kid in a couple years, then I'd be having another kid in like 4-5 years. . .and that would mean that in 5 years I'd have 2 kids! Whoa! Definitely not ready for that! Especially when looking back at my already 3 years of marriage, a younger me would have expected to have 1 or 1 1/2 kids by now, and I'm so glad that didn't happen - so I don't know how much I should expect my current opinions to change in the next 3 years? Bah.

I would guess that a lot of it depends on the child you get too. 2 examples, one good and one bad. When Maddy-cakes lived here, she was absolutely the highlight of my day. Being able to play with her every day was definitely what helped me through some less-than-awesome times and I was always so sad on the rare days I didn't get to see her. She was such a perfect little doll (although her mother may disagree, I don't know) that I always would think "oh yeah, I could totally do this". . .and even if she was cranky and screaming on the odd day out I'd still want to just hold her and love her.

Now fast foward to a seemingly innocent trip to the Provo library last weekend. They were having their semi-annual book sale downstairs so we went browsing. And I kid you not, I seriously wanted to smack each and every one of the children in that room. They were all screaming or crying or otherwise being horribly obnoxious and we actually left early because of it. True, a lot of that was probably due to parenting styles (seriously, where were those kids parents???) but I still walked out feeling horrible that I felt that way at all.

Um, okay, let's backtrack - because I see all my nursery babies' mothers gasping in dismay at my reaction. I RARELY got fed up with nursery. I loved playing with "my kids" each week and felt that we had a good routine and good methods of disciplining. Even one of my boys who others thought was maybe too rambunctious or moody ended up being one of my very favorites, and I was the only one that could always get him to calm down and participate, and over the years we developed quite a little bond. In fact, he's the one that finally made me decide I'd be okay with having a little boy someday, a little Trev of my own. So is that the trick? Familiarity? The reason people say it's easier to take care of their own children than anyone else's?

So what I DON'T want to do is have a baby out of obligation. Yes, I'm sure I would love the baby, but I would like to want the baby before I got pregnant with it. :) Except that now I'm worrying that feeling will never come.

Anyway, opinions please.

Any Scott Westerfeld/Uglies fans out there?

If you're a fan of Scott Westerfeld and his Uglies series, or have just heard of Uglies and would like to read it, you can now download a PDF of Uglies FOR FREE.

Check out how at http://scottwesterfeld.com/blog/?p=1294

Really, this works. I downloaded it already.

Puppy-sitting

Anyone want to watch the pup in a couple weeks while we're in St George?

The condo won't let us take her.

Nope, just fat apparantly

In response to a few well-meaning (I hope) inquiries lately, no, I am not pregnant, I am just gaining weight. Apparantly 5 pounds makes all the difference. Nor are we planning on having kids anytime soon. Mike still has 2 years of grad school then his PhD so I am not planning on leaving my job anytime in the near future. Also, although I've had the occasional baby craving here and there, I've never really felt like it was time yet, so it really doesn't matter what anyone else says about the matter.

To be fair, a lot of my patients are on the elderly side and tend to say anything that comes to mind. For example, the following conversation:

Elderly woman: Dearie! You didn't tell me you were pregnant!

Me: Actually Thelma, I'm not.

Thelma: Are you sure? Because you look a little thick around the middle.

Me: Pretty sure. But thanks for asking!

Thelma: Well maybe you should wear more form-fitting scrubs. . .

Me: I'll look into that.

If it were just my more. . .absent minded patients asking, I wouldn't think twice. But since my coworker also asked me. . .yeah. Let's just say I am picking up a couple Gold's Gym schedules on my way home today. I usually do a lot of exercise classes, but to save money I didn't enroll in any this summer, so I haven't been working out consistently since April. However, the money is definitely worth it so I'm going to return to my prior routine.

In other news, we now have health insurance again! Yay! The past 7 months without it have been a little scary, but we were trying to wait until the semester was closer to starting since Mike is required to have it for grad school.

Anyway, toodles. I'm going to the gym.